Thursday, January 8, 2009

What have I done?

I felt tired, just back from the International Speech and Table Topic contest. Yet, I want to blog before sleep. Tonight, was an interesting night where all the contestants performed their best, we can noticed their efforts by the way of their delivery of speech.

Apart from that, the table topic was another great session where a tough topic was given- ' Truth is stranger than fiction', such a hard topic, some of the contestants get stunt at the beginning, yet they able to complete their speech even though the real meaning was not being understood. If i were the contestant, I'll surely blank and standing in front of the crowd.

The whole night was an interesting night but there are some unsmooth parts during the whole contest. Due to both of the contest chairs were the 1st timer as well as the emcee, some part didn't run smoothly and the audiences could actually noticed it. Well, this is the fault of the organising chair - me. I do admit I didn't do my best where I might not giving the clear instruction and guidance to my committees.

The whole night will be an excellent if the whole contest ran well. I do not want to give any excuse to the errors occured during the night because I know with the well preparation and well briefing to the committees, the show will surely run well.

Recently there are a lot of thing bumped into my mind. Just like when one of the aunty asked me about my target, i couldn't answer her cause I do not know what is my target. Then, i start pondering, all the while I telling myself self improvement is very important but which direction actually i'm heading? I don't know. What improvement had been done inside myself? I don't know.

Somtimes, when i achieved my target on time, I don't feel happy with it, why? Just like I set a target to complete my CC by end of 2008 and I actually did it. I had spent several night, stayed up late at night or even woke up during the midnight to prepare my speech. But, during the night of the completion, I do not feel happy at all. The feeling was totally contrast with my expectation. Why? This is because I cannot see the purpose of achiving CC. The purpose of achieving should be gaining confidence and able to deliver a good speech in front of a crowd. But, am i gaining such thing? No, i don't think so. I cannot see my difference between y own speech from P1 until P10. My target to complete CC is just because I want to complete my CC but I had forget the original purpose. During the night of completion, my speech was suck because I do not prepare it well. Then, I start pondering, what have I done? I got no idea.

Same thing happening in my work, before i enter this company, my target was to obtain the HACCP certificate for my company. But, till now, i haven't even touch a single SOP (Standard of procedure). I seem like busy all the while but what have i done? I also don't know.

There are so many don't know in me, and yet there a lot of 'don't know' which haven't been mentioned. So, what have I done all the while? I have no idea.

All the while, I always hope that there is a good listener and a person who encourage and motivate me. But, seem like this person is too far away and i can't even sense his existance. So, I should be self-motivated all the time? Maybe I need a higher EQ and higher self-esteem in order to achieve that.

GOsh, I had tarnished my own blog by this entry. What am i doing?


Sookcheng said...

CHeer up. Sometime I will also ask myself, after so many years, so many days, so many hours, what have I done?

Think about it in another way. Sometime we have no answer to the question, actually it was just because we can't remember. It is always we choose not to remember.

You are the only one to decide what you want to do next. Which path you should go, no one can help but there are always friends beside you to guide. =)

Anyway, it is important for you to remain cheerful. Please always remember, Future is the function of past and present. Whatever you have done and doing, is for the expectation you have in the future. So, think about what you aspire in the future. It should guide and determine what you are doing now.

Please take care. =D Hope to see you soon during CNY.

Hui Yi said...

sookcheng: So touching dear, thanks